Between the Lines of Reason
by sNICKers
Summary: When Mai is assassinated, Zuko and Katara go on a journey to try and find her killer, leaving Aang to watch over the Fire Nation. However, what they find may not be entirely what they are looking for.
1. Chapter 1: A Mutual Understanding

**A/N: This is my first Avatar fic! In fact, it's the first fiction I've written centred around a TV show continuity in a very long time :) I've always wanted to write an angsty romance story, but the other fandom I write in doesn't lend itself very well to that. The main pairing is Zutara, but it will start out with some Kataang and Maiko. I also have to say thanks to my friend fallendeathlord who beta read this for me!**

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Avatar. Cause if I did, Zutara would be canon ;)**

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><p>Between the Lines of Reason<br>Chapter 1: A Mutual Understanding

Iroh hummed to himself as he prepared a pot of Jasmine Green Tea. He was getting ready for what (if he had his way) he hoped would become an annual tradition.

Those who had fought a tough battle one year prior would be gathering at his tea shop that afternoon in Ba Sing Se. It would be a way for them to catch up, reflect and of course, celebrate the change that they had all caused. The war was now over and together they'd helped restore balance between the nations.

Zuko had been the first to arrive. Not that this was a surprise to Iroh, as he had also been the first to respond when the get together had been suggested. He was eager to see all of his friends again, and though they'd all been through a lot together, they'd also gone their separate ways for a little while.

Though Zuko hadn't explicitly said it, and though Iroh was certain he never would, the old man was sure it was because this group of people were his first true friends. The first friends he had made on his own, and the first people who had seen him and accepted him for who he truly was. Other than Iroh and Mai, that is. This group had seen him at his worst and though he was once regarded by them as an enemy, and someone to be feared, Zuko had managed to turn their perception of him around completely.

It was for that, which Iroh was most proud of his nephew. Even though Zuko's accomplishments as the new Fire Lord were many, acceptance was the one thing he had craved all his life. For him to finally have it, from people who shared the same outlook and vision that he did (even if it took him a while to get there) meant more to Zuko than anything else in the world.

That wasn't to say Zuko wasn't doing a good job as the new Fire Lord. He had the privilege of rebuilding an entire nation which, as he'd said in his induction speech, had been torn apart after 100 years of war. Though it seemed like a daunting task, especially to someone so young, Iroh had seen Zuko rise to the challenge. He was leading the nation his way, and though not everyone agreed with him, everyone was growing to respect him and his unique way of leadership.

Again, not surprising for Iroh. He wouldn't have told Zuko that he needed to become the new Fire Lord if he didn't think that bringing peace back to their nation was something he had the ability to do. Of course the unwavering support that Zuko had from Mai didn't hurt things either.

Zuko wasn't the only one in the group who was busy with their responsibilities after the war had ended. Iroh had witnessed each person grow up and use their talents to help the rebuilding of the world.

Aang was always up and about, in the very literal sense of the words. He travelled all over the world to different towns and cities, mostly giving speeches and generally trying to raise spirits. It wasn't always easy, given that the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes were still very weary of the Fire Nation. Things weren't going to change overnight, and since Aang knew this, he spent the bulk of his time with those two nations, allowing Zuko to take charge of the Fire Nation himself.

Katara was never far from his side, and hadn't been since their first evening spent in Ba Sing Se. She travelled alongside Aang, helping out where she could. She did her best to improve relations especially between the Water Tribes and the other nations, but her efforts were often overshadowed by those of the Avatar. Still, she stayed by his side, and Iroh assumed that she was happy doing what she was doing.

Sokka and Suki spent most of their time on Kyoshi Island. However, they'd also taken up the 'hobby' (as Sokka would put it) of fighting pirates on the waters near the island. The two of them were almost always involved in some sort of battle, and always had interesting stories to tell whenever they met up with their friends.

But perhaps the person Iroh saw the most often was Toph, who also resided in Ba Sing Se and stopped in to have tea at least twice a week. She hadn't yet made any effort to reconnect with her parents, and Iroh wasn't sure that she had any intention to. Instead she stayed in the big city, working on her own earthbending, as well as training others to be more efficient warriors.

"Do you need any help, Uncle?" Zuko interrupted Iroh's thoughts as he poked his head through the doorway and entered the tea shop.

"No, I don't think so," Iroh replied as he set the tea down on the table. "You just sit down and relax, the others should be here shortly."

Zuko never bothered to argue with his uncle, he had come to realize that Iroh always knew best. That, and he also knew he loved to be the host. So Zuko promptly did as he was told. "The others are already here in the city, I saw them last night."

Iroh nodded, turning his back to Zuko for a second. "Yes, I believe the only ones who have yet to arrive in town are-"

"The Avatar and Katara?" Zuko guessed, cutting Iroh off. He just nodded.

Zuko laughed a little in response. "The Avatar isn't exactly known for his punctuality."

As if on cue, Sokka, Suki and Toph took that moment to enter the tea shop. Driving the point home even further – Aang was typically late. Which would always make Katara late by omission.

"Zuko!" Sokka greeted him, stuffing a biscuit in his mouth and draping his arm lazily around his friend. "How's my favourite Fire Lord?"

Instead of scowling as he usually would, Zuko merely smiled and lifted Sokka's arm off him. Sokka didn't fight this, and instead took the opportunity to eat more of the food that was sitting on the table.

"Don't you think you should wait until the others get here?" Suki asked, sitting down beside her boyfriend as Iroh handed her a cup of tea.

"Who, Aang and Katara?" Sokka asked, glancing at Suki. "They knew when they were supposed to show up. They probably got caught up doing Avatar stuff."

"Yeah, or Katara did," Toph snickered, followed soon after by Suki. Zuko just rolled his eyes. The very thought of that made him feel uncomfortable, though he wasn't quite sure why.

Sokka eyed them all questioningly for a moment before finally catching on. "Ew, that's my sister you're talking about! I'm sure they're just having crazy adventures with Appa! And Momo! You know, flying around, airbending, waterbending, saving the world! All that _normal_ stuff!" He rambled on, eyes wide, and obviously disturbed by the comment.

"Sure, Sokka," Toph continued, never giving up an opportunity to rile him up a little.

"Anyway," Sokka said, trying as best he could to steer the conversation away from Katara, Aang and things he just didn't want to think about them doing. "Speaking of romantic love interests, I guess, where's Mai?" he asked, looking at Zuko.

"She decided to stay back," Zuko said casually. "The celebration isn't really her thing." He stared down into his tea, which he'd hardly touched. He'd wanted Mai to come with him, to get to know the group and join them in the occasion. But she'd insisted on staying in the palace, saying that someone had to watch over the place while he was away.

Zuko knew better than to argue with her. So, he'd reluctantly left her and gone on his way. Still, he couldn't shake the worried feeling he had. He'd try to brush it off, knowing that if he spoke of it to anyone, they'd just tell him that it was nothing. That he was always worried about something or other.

While that was true, Zuko still had a hard time pushing the thoughts out of his mind.

Luckily, another distraction soon arrived. Though fashionably late, Aang and Katara had finally decided to grace the tea shop with their presence

"Hey guys," Aang said cheerfully as the two of them entered the shop and sat down. "Sorry we're late," he grinned boyishly, looking anything but remorseful.

"We're not even technically late," Katara reasoned, shrugging her shoulders. "We agreed to meet in the afternoon. It's still the afternoon."

"Yeah, but you're the last ones here," Sokka nudged her playfully. "Therefore, late."

Katara only scowled at her brother.

"Aw, lighten up, Sokka," Aang said, stretching out and grabbing one of the cookies off the table. "We still have lots of time. Besides, I want to hear all about the new warrior training you've been doing."

Sokka's expression instantly brightened. "Well, you see," he began to babble on and on about the new training, how much fun it was, and how happy he was to have a boomerang back in his life.

Zuko smiled as he listened to their conversation, but it quickly just became background noise as he surveyed the scene and took everything in. There was a time in his life where he didn't think he would ever be at the point where he was truly happy. When his purpose was just regaining his honour and being able to return to the Fire Nation, no longer being known as the banished prince.

A time when all the people surrounding him, save for his uncle, were his enemies.

(Well, technically there was also a time when he and Iroh weren't on such great terms either, but Zuko preferred to keep those memories so tightly locked in the back of his mind that they rarely made it to the surface.)

Now, he felt warmth and general sense of content.

He watched Sokka, still talking about his adventures. Suki was leaning against him, but every so often she'd have to move as Sokka tended to speak using big gestures. Especially when he was excited about something.

Toph was close by, listening intently to Sokka's every word, and laughing along with all of his jokes.

As he looked over at Aang, their eyes met, and he could tell that the Avatar was doing the very same thing. Half listening to Sokka, but also half reflecting on the situation and how everything came to be.

Zuko then glanced over at Katara, and suddenly felt uncomfortable. He tore his eyes away from her quickly, staring down into his tea, which had probably already gotten cold.

It wasn't that seeing her with the Avatar made him feel uncomfortable. He was used to it by now, everyone was – with the possible exception of Sokka. But that was nothing more than big brother protectiveness. The fact was, their relationship had almost taken him by surprise. It certainly wasn't something he'd been expecting. Admittedly, Zuko wasn't the most intuitive person, but he'd always figured Katara's affection for Aang was more like that of a sibling than a lover.

When she'd started dating Aang, Zuko wouldn't have said he was jealous. A little shocked, yes, but not jealous. He did have Mai, and he loved her. Though he'd hadn't exactly had a romantic past with Katara, it had been an interesting one.

To say that he'd always found her to be the most understanding of the group would be obvious to anyone who knew them. She'd trusted him and always found good in him, even when others didn't. Though the two of them didn't always see eye to eye (that was the understatement of the year) he always understood her motivations and knew where she was coming from.

He felt connected to her in a way that was different from the others. She had a good grasp on him. She knew all about his inner conflicts, and though it had taken her some time, she'd eventually forgiven the horrible things he'd done to her, and the rest of the group.

"Hello, earth to Zuko?" Katara gave him an odd look as she noticed him looking at her. The others stopped talking for a moment to turn to him. "You haven't touched your tea, did you really find Sokka's stories that interesting?" she asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Hey, I resent that!" Sokka leaned over the table, giving his sister a look. "Of course my stories are interesting!"

Zuko hesitated for a moment, being slightly taken aback by the fact that Katara was the person to bring him back to the situation at hand, when she'd been the very reason he'd been zoning out for the past few minutes. "I was just thinking about how nice it was for all of us to be able to be here together," he said finally.

While everyone else smiled at the sentiment, Toph just giggled. "Wow, sappy much?"

Zuko furrowed his eyebrows in embarrassment and quickly looked back down at the ground. "Shut up," he muttered. He hated being called on his softer moments, and could always count on Toph for that.

"I get it," Aang said, ignoring Toph's comment. "It is nice that even though we're all so busy, we can still come here and find time for each other. I think that's important."

"It is important," Katara confirmed. "We've all been through so much together, and even though we could just go our separate ways, we're able to come back together for occasions like this. I really think it's because of the strong friendship and trust that we all have in each other that allowed us to win the war in the first place."

Zuko looked at her gratefully. Maybe he wasn't completely off the mark with his sentiment after all. He knew he'd been right about his feelings earlier. It seemed his understanding of Katara was reciprocated. In matters of friendship and emotion, at least. It made sense, as those two things were pretty much Katara's speciality.

As the laughter and chatter continued to fill the tea house, Zuko continued to stay quiet for the most part. He felt content and at peace. Everything was finally as it should be.


	2. Chapter 2: A Million Little Pieces

Between the Lines of Reason  
>Chapter 2 : A Million Little Pieces<p>

One short week later, Zuko was back in the Fire Nation.

If one said Zuko was unprepared for what he was to discover upon his return, it would be the understatement of the century.

As he made his way through the halls of the palace he quickly took note that guards, and most other people, were looking at him. This in an of itself wasn't unusual, but it was the way they were looking at him. It was just a little stranger than their typical stares. In fact, the more Zuko thought about it, the more he had noticed the same sort of behaviour on his ship as well. While he had been travelling home from Ba Sing Se, there had been a shift in the attitudes of those with him.

It reminded him of the time immediately following his coronation as Fire Lord. People were just awkward around him, unsure of how they should act, what to say, what they _could_ say to him.

The difference of course, was that back then Zuko had understood. To them, he'd practically waltzed in and changed the very ideals their nation had worked towards for the past century. They were afraid of him. Azula and Ozai had been terrifying, but so long as one showed proper respect and carried out their orders they were safe, most of the time. They didn't know what to think about Zuko, what he might expect, what he might do. He tried to made it clear that he was not one to be feared, but the very notion of the change he brought terrified the people in the palace. For so long they had been so used to Ozai's way of thinking, and Azulon's before him, and then Sozin's before him. The Fire Lord demanded respect and fear. And while Zuko didn't agree with that notion, it didn't change the way that his people had lived for so long.

At least not right away.

However, in the months that followed, people started getting used to him, and his particular way of doing things. The initial uncertainty had subsided. While respect had been demanded from his successors, Zuko had been different in that he reciprocated that respect. He genuinely cared for the people around him, and though he was the leader he didn't act as though he was superior or better than anyone.

Zuko was unsure what could be responsible for the sudden revert to that behaviour all over again. Still he wasn't overly concerned about it. If it was something truly important someone would have informed him about it. Perhaps it was all in his head. Maybe the nostalgia of seeing his group of friends had brought back those old memories of what it was like in the beginning.

The young Fire Lord did his best not to think about it as he continued on to his personal quarters. He'd not seen or heard from Mai in over two weeks, and was eager to see her face again.

However, before he was able to open the door he noticed something strange. Perhaps even more strange than the looks he'd been getting. The door was locked, which left Zuko feeling even more confused than he had been before. He couldn't think of any reason why that would be necessary, though he did try.

While he was distracted, he was approached by the head of his guards.

"What's going on?" Zuko asked, nodding towards the door before the guard had a chance to get a word in edgewise. Zuko was starting to get irritated with the fact that everything seemed to be so different from the way that he had left it. Had his absence really caused this much of a disturbance?

"We request your presence in the war room," the guard said seriously, not really answering Zuko's question. "It's..." he paused as he searched for the right words, careful to avert his gaze from Zuko's. "It's important."

Zuko frowned, wondering what could possibly be so pertinent that it couldn't wait until the morning. However he trusted the guard's word that it was indeed that important, so he simply nodded and began to the lead the way to the war room. Certainly Mai would understand his delay once he explained the reason why.

There was no small talk between them, or around them, instead a thick silence trailed the pair. It was blatantly obvious as Zuko looked around that the looks he'd written off earlier were not imagined at all.

Something was _definitely_ not right.

As they walked, the Fire Lord grew increasingly more nervous as to what _exactly_ was wrong. He mentally cycled through every possibility he could think of. Perhaps something had happened to the Avatar after he had left Ba Sing Se. Or in his brief absence from the Fire Nation either the nobles or the commoners had began revolting and they were on the verge of civil war. Maybe the treaties he'd signed with the rest of the world were failing, everything was falling apart, and the war was starting again.

"You should probably have a seat," the guard said as he followed the Fire Lord into the war room.

Dark thoughts continued to cross his mind, every black scenario he could think of, save perhaps one. Because it was the one thing he could never have seen coming, and never been prepared for.

"While you were away," another man seated at the table began, and like the head of the guard, avoided eye contact with the Fire Lord. "There was an incident."

"An incident?" Zuko asked, beginning to get annoyed. He was getting tired of the pussyfooting around. How was he to be expected to fix anything if he wasn't told _exactly_ what had happened?

"Yes," he said, daring to finally look at Zuko's face. "There was an attack on the palace."

Zuko's face hid any sign of surprise; attacks on the palace were rare, but they weren't completely unheard of. Since the war had ended, not everyone had been overly fond of Zuko's new policies. Some were still convinced that the old way was best. That balance was not necessary.

"An attack?" he pressed. "Why was I not informed immediately?"

"Well, sir, it seemed to be a very calculated attack. Whoever it was knew exactly what they were doing and exactly who they were after. We're still piecing together what happened, and we thought it was best we waited until we had a clearer picture, or until you returned home," the guard rambled on and once again avoided eye contact with Zuko.

_Who they were after? _Zuko thought, and quickly felt sick to his stomach. "Tell me what happened." He managed at last.

"I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this - "

"Tell me!"

The guard drew in a deep breath and met Zuko's piercing gaze once more. "Fire Lord Zuko, I regret to inform you, that the lady Mai has been assassinated."

It took Zuko a moment to comprehend what he had just been told. He couldn't help but sink a little in his seat as the news settled in. _Nothing _he had thought about before was comparable to this.

In fact, the only thing he had been right about was the fact that everything was falling apart. Because that was what Mai had meant to him. _Everything._

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><p>Zuko lay in bed; he'd already been there for hours, having retreated almost immediately as he heard the news. He wouldn't cry – he couldn't. Not where anyone would be able to see him, at least. It might have been what people would have expected of Prince Zuko, but he wasn't a prince any longer. The Fire Lord couldn't allow anyone to witness such a breakdown.<p>

Suddenly he understood what all those looks were about. Those strange looks he'd been receiving since his return that he couldn't pin down. Now he knew, and everyone knew that he knew.

He felt like setting the whole palace ablaze. There was no way he'd actually do it – but the thought somehow eased him just ever so slightly. He was sure that when he was back in the confines of his own room, that he would destroy every object in reach. That he would take his rage and depression out on his surroundings, just let it all flood out.

But he didn't.

Instead he'd laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was locked in a state of shock.

It was only when he recalled his last moments with her, that the tears finally started to flow.

"_You're sure you don't want to come?" he asked her, minutes before he was due to depart for Ba Sing Se. "It'll be fun."_

_She raised an eyebrow. "You go. I'll stay here. Someone has to look after this place while you're gone."_

_He frowned. "Let the guards do that. They'll probably be doing it anyway."_

"_Zuko just go," she prodded. "Have fun with your friends. Besides, I'll have time to get things done that I can't do when you're around bothering me all the time."_

"_I'm not a bother!"_

"_You're a bit of a bother," she smiled, teasing him slightly. "But I'll still miss you."_

"_I'll miss you too."_

That was the last time he had kissed her, the last time he'd spoke with her, the last time he'd seen her. Of course had he known it would have been the last time he would have made it more meaningful. More than a quick peck that lasted a second. He might not have been one for public displays of affection, but if he'd known, if only he'd known, he would have made an exception.

Of course, if he had known, he never would have left in the first place. He growled, and swore, and mentally kicked himself for that over and over again, until he was exhausted. How different could things have been if he'd stayed? Could he have confronted the killer? Stopped them then and there? Or had the murderer come precisely _because _it was known Zuko wouldn't be at the palace, or anywhere in the Fire Nation for the matter.

Unable to stare at the ceiling any longer, Zuko squeezed his eyes shut. He sighed and tried to steady his breathing as a couple of stray tears managed to escape.

He turned on to his side, and looked at the other side of the bed.

Empty.

Empty as it was going to be from here on out. Never to be occupied by the love of his life again. Never would he be able to reach over and touch her soft skin in the middle of the night. Never could he take comfort in her calming presence when they were supposed to be sleeping, and there was an early war meeting the next morning...

Zuko tried to push the memory out of his mind, it was simply too painful to think about. How could he think about how happy he'd been, when all of that was gone? Snatched away in a moment that he hadn't even been there for. It didn't make him feel better, in fact it just made him feel worse. He longed for more memories such as those. For more happy memories, instead of these finite ones.

He didn't think he would ever feel happy again.

He felt so powerless, even with everything he had at his disposal there was nothing he could do to fix this, to bring her back. He didn't know what to do with himself or how he could even begin to face the world again. The tears began to flow more freely.

Usually he looked to his uncle for that sort of guidance. He needed Iroh now more than ever. He needed his friends. He needed to be able to go back in time to a week ago, when everything was fine.

But more than anything. He needed Mai.


End file.
